Cracking the code of love

I am a late bloomer when it comes to lasting relationships and marriage. I didn’t quite figure out what I really wanted in a partner until I was in my late thirties. All the women of the “right type” that I had dated turned out to be the wrong type. The one woman who is the opposite of my type ended up becoming my wonderful wife for whom I am grateful every day.

The irony of my dating experience was totally lost on me until six months into our engagement, when it suddenly dawned on me that I was happily living with my opposite type.

What happened? I asked myself.  The type of woman I used to fall for never worked out for me. The woman of the opposite type turned out to be my most compatible partner. What did I do right? How on earth did this happen?

I was intrigued and decided to find out what makes relationships work.

As I researched this subject, pieces of it started to become clear. But they were not cohesive. The big picture was still fuzzy.  Then one day at a spiritual seminar, almost exactly a year after I started this quest, I was sitting in an auditorium listening to the main speaker talking about her experience of finding answers to a spiritual question. At the end of a story, she summarized it this way, “The secret of finding God is not to seek God, but to get into position, waiting for God to come to you.”

When I heard that, a light bulb went off in my mind. Not only did she explain an esoteric concept that had puzzled me for many years about man’s seeking for God, but she also gave me the answer I was looking for in my quest to crack the love code. That secret is, “in position.” In other words, in a state of readiness to receive.

To apply that secret to dating, the key to finding the right partner is not about learning the best dating “techniques” to find the right person. It’s about doing the inner work and becoming the right person, so that you can attract, receive and keep the right partner.

How do you become the right person ready to receive? By removing all the obstacles to love.  As Rumi insightfully observed, “your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

What are the barriers? There are a number of them. Lack of clarity, limiting beliefs, lack of skills, and unresolved emotional and psychological issues, for instance. As soon as these barriers are removed, you become the right person, ready for love. And auto-magically, love will come to you.